Family Coping


To cope is to deal with something difficult. This is a relevant term to be familiar with in a life where things to be coped with are unavoidable. Trial are often viewed as problems to be coped through, especially in marriages and relationships. The main dilemma with this mindset is that the issues are merely lived through instead of dealt with. All marriages, and families, have their own distinct issues, and each is unique in their own way. Examples of trials in marriages are infertility, death, financial burdens and natural disasters. Because each family's issue is unique to them, their dynamics and situation, there is not a singular way for every family to cope with them. Husband and wife can however control the attitude they have when facing it. This is something that is entirely in their deposition to choose. When these issues are properly addressed and dealt with (again, how this is done is different for every family) they can have beautiful results. The fact of struggling through a trial together, using one another for support, can actually cause families to be better off than they were previously. They can bond people together and create ideal situations for creative problems solving, which can create smoother operating families. These struggles can also help families to develop healthy systems for dealing with problems in the future.
One way many couples successfully navigate trials is through faith in Christ and by focusing on others. For example, Phil and Valerie Hochheiser dealt with infertility issues for years on end. Instead of focusing on their problem and letting it affect their relationship with each other, they did activities that would bring them closer together, such as service work. Turning outward in the healing process almost distracts, in a way, the couple from their problem, and it gives them a healthy outlet to relieve stress and feel better. It’s hard to think negatively of yourself when you are actively trying to help others.
In my own family, we try to do the opposite of whatever the specific trial is making us feel. For example, in 2005 my mom gave birth to a stillborn baby. She was very far along in development, so it was a major loss for our family. We had a funeral for her, and my parents gave her a name. After her death, we felt very powerless and lost. We felt as if we would never see her again. To deal with these feelings, we invested more into the familial sealing powers of our religion, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Our parents helped us study about how we would live with her again someday and remember that our family existed outside of this earth life. Because of my parents example and my own experiences, I know better how to deal with my own trials.
This is mostly where healthy coping habits come from- the examples of parents and other family members. 


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