Sexual Conflict

Sex is most often a barometer of how a good a marriage really is. It is not, by far, the most important aspect of martial relationships, but the quality of marriages can be observed through the satisfaction of the sex life. It should be no surprise that the most complicated and personal aspect of relationships, physical intimacy, is better for couples who have good marriages then for those who are struggling.

To understand the importance of sex in marriage, we must first analyze the differences in intimate systems between the genders, and how sex impacts each. Though the acts are physical, sexual relationships are primarily about connection between husband and wife, and the quality of said connection. However, each gender bonds with the other in very different ways, which can complicate the making of connections. For example, the woman’s primary form of connecting with men is through conversation and emotions. In fact, for women to have enjoyable sex, they must be connected with their husbands first on an emotional level- whether that be through quality time, acts of services, everyday conversation or the sharing of feelings. If husbands want their wives to enjoy sex, making them feel safe emotionally and mentally before anything happens in the bedroom should be a priority. In stark contrast, men connect with their wives primarily through sexual acts. Men use sex as a way to bond and feel closer to their wives, and in situations of emotional turmoil will often turn to sex as a way to mend problems, whereas women will most likely want to talk them out. In a stereotypical situation, if a couple is arguing, the man will turn to sex to sooth the tension, whereas sex for the women will be the last thing she wants in a place of such conflict. This does not mean that women hate sex and men hate talking, but merely that these methods are the most comfortable and natural way of bonding for each person. These differences between husband and wife are important and must be recognized and respected in order for each partner to have a satisfactory love life and marriage.  

Men and women are not only different in their methods of connections, but also experience the act of lovemaking in dissimilar ways. For example, men are faster at becoming ready for sex then their female counterparts. It can be difficult for a woman to forget other issues on her mind and focus entirely on lovemaking, whereas husbands seem to be ready on command. Men also experience orgasms much faster in the sexual process, and after these orgasms, it is very difficult- at times painful or nausea inducing- for them to continue having sex. Women have orgasms later then men do, and this can create conflict. When a husband reaches sexual climax and then abruptly stops, their wives are most often just starting to get ready for their own orgasm. This is why it's so important for married couples to be comfortable communicating about sex, and willing to modify their sexual habits.

This difference between the sexes can at times cause inconvenience in relationships and be the source of much conflict and stress. Wouldn’t it be so much better if men and women had the same bonding habits and experienced sex in the exact same way? Maybe not. These variances create service-oriented relationships where each spouse is focused on fulfilling the needs of the other. This service helps design an unselfish marriage ideal for raising children or experiencing life together as one.