The Handling of Aggression

My dad was always so good at knowing how to handle angry people growing up. It seemed he could always say the right things in exactly the right tone of voice to get the aggressor to calm down and see his point of view. In fact, I most often remember him using his impressive calming powers on myself. I would be fired up and looking for a fight, but after a talk from my dad the anger turned into a peace like feeling and I felt a strong desire to resolve the situation. See, what my dad really was good at was controlling the situation. By saying the correct things at the right times, in the right ways, he had the aggressor’s entire reaction in his hands. It was incredible to witness. It wasn’t until years later, until this Family relations class, that I figured out how he did it, and that it had a name. My dad was a pro at the disarming technique.

The disarming technique, also known as the five secrets of effective communication, is a way to metaphorically ‘disarm’ your verbal aggressor and turn a previously anger fueled conversation into one that is more effective in the sharing of feelings and relationship problem solving. This technique has the effect of bringing peace and removing anger from the perpetrator and from the attempter of the technique themselves.  Its actual process is very simple but has immense effects. However, though it may be simple, it can be extremely difficult to instigate when in a victimized state of mentality. The most difficult step of the process is the very first “Seek and find truth in what the other person is saying.” It takes practice to look at a person who is verbally attacking yourself or others from a point of empathy or understanding. But the benefits and effects of said difficulties are immediate.

Every person gets angry on occasion, especially in relationships. When two people attempt to make two lives one, there is bound to be some clashing instead of compromise eventually. This does not matter, because it is unavoidable. What does matter is the handling of this inevitable anger. When each person is aware of the processes and benefits of the disarming technique, these arguments becoming much more civil and loving, and more harmonious with the goals and feelings of the relationship itself.  Screaming fits provide…what? They accomplish nothing but further anger, hurt feelings, and loneliness. The temptation to express anger in this destructive way is very strong, but the outcomes of such are poison to a loving relationship.

This is why understanding and implementing the disarming technique is so crucial to love. It is the most Christlike and non-aggressive form of communicating difficult and controversial issues, and brings a sense of caring into conversations that otherwise would have felt the exact opposite.