Martial Adjustments

Marriage is something that, as college students who are also members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, seems to be the very pinnacle, the peak of our young lives and collegiate experience. We’ve all been waiting for the chance to get and be married since childhood and have had no lack of support in this anticipation. Sunday school lessons in church were riddled with “one day when you are married” and various advice for knowing who, how, and when to tie the knot. I’m sure every single young woman has been asked to create a list of qualities she would like in her future husband. We’ve essentially been training for this all through our youth. Just the thought of having a spouse has become extremely fantasized. So, what happens when it actually comes, and how well will the training pay off?

Marriage is a huge adjustment. There are many compromises between husband and wife that must be made in their journey to become one person. Traditions must be changed, made or melded together, especially if the two persons come from different cultures.  In our excitement to get and be married, many of these can be overlooked. For example, the sharing of a bed, in a completely non-sexual way. Surprisingly, husband and wife can have opposite sleeping habits! In the example of our Family Relations professor, perhaps the husband prefers to sleep cold, and the wife enjoys being extremely warm. Without proper communication, an issue as simple as this can cause martial tension. Thus we can see that an idea most people get very excited for about marriage, the sharing of a bed, can actually be a very difficult adjustment. Some other adjustments that are commonly overlooked are the holidays, budgeting, health habits and friend groups.

Many people assume marriage to be, for lack of better words, all fun and games. Because of this, most couples are disappointed or assume they chose the wrong spouse when it isn’t. This is often seen right after the honeymoon phase, right when the hormones lower and love suddenly becomes a conscious choice. One of the most common times for divorce comes at around the five-year mark. The divorced couples then look around for someone they have that ‘instant connection’ with and start the whole process over again. The honest truth is that true love doesn’t work like instant rice. It’s takes no less then a conscious decision and commitment to work hard to make a marriage, and love, work. It takes serious dedication and effort to continue loving the same person for years on end. Marriage truly is the adjustment of a lifetime, it extremely hard- and extremely worth it.