Same Gender Attraction: The Hows' and Whys'

How much of what society teaches about gender is accurate and healthy?

Many people are very sensitive to discussing the more intricate details behind same gender attraction. Most argue that it's a healthy and normal lifestyle to have, and once that is made clear, no further discussion on the topic is necessary. The harsh reality is that LGB youth are almost 5 times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual youth. Is this the cause of low societal acceptance rates? Research shows these two factors have almost no correlation, as US support for gay marriage has reached an all-time high and is continuing to rise, meanwhile, statistics analyzing  as these have not changed. A compassionate stance to take on this issue is by analyzing the many complexities of same gender attraction and eliminating some of these factors that cause the high suicide rates, which, in doing so coincidentally, may in fact eliminate the attraction itself. 

What makes some individuals gay, and others not? Is it biological, or a mix of different childhood factors? Evidence shows that homosexual feelings are most commonly not biological, but due to a multitude of feelings and experiences during childhood and adolescence. Many gay men report unhealthy relationships with men growing up, either with their fathers, families or peers. They often feel as if they didn’t fit in, were not accepted or were not perceived as ‘manly enough’. These feelings might be caused by differences in their interests and hobbies versus the hobbies of their peers. This is why a common theme among gay males is an interest in commonly ‘female’ activities, such as sewing or dance. It’s the unacceptance of these activities among their male peers that causes them to feel isolated or secluded from their own gender. In some extreme cases, they are molested by other men in their life, which further isolates them and discourages the healthy man-to-man bonding so crucial to masculinity. This seclusion from their own gender is often paired with an abnormal closeness and understanding of the opposite gender. Thus, with gay children, boys are the confusing ones and girls are normal, commonplace, and understood. These feelings towards boys, Dr. Bem explains, turn from ‘exotic’ to ‘erotic’ during puberty. The strong desire the young boys have to develop healthy male relationships and the constant fantasy that accompanies it turns into an almost lustful feeling toward members of their own gender.

Is it possible for men struggling with same gender attraction to willingly reverse the effects their childhood has had on their sexuality? Conversion therapy often has a negative connotation in our society today, but now that the development of this sexuality is understood, at least on a very basic and theoretic level, if a gay man wishes to change his sexuality, he should have the right to do so. This ‘sexuality change’ happens much more often than mainstream media admits and is extremely possible. Conversion therapy is not “electrocuting the gay out of people’ and it also is very far away from telling people to suppress their natural tendencies. Rather, the main strategy of conversion therapy is getting the gay male to develop healthy, non-sexual relationships with the men in his life. These healthy connections cultivate a feeling of masculinity and acceptance, and when they are maintained, they are more often then not followed by an attraction to the opposite gender. The comorbid depression and suicidal inclinations that usually accompany same gender attraction in males’ leaves when these connections are made as well. This simple change in social behaviors, introducing some male bonding into the life of the gay individual, has a profound effect on their sexuality and their overall life satisfaction.